When You Have To Let One Go

No, I don't have gas. I wish it were that simple.

I recently had to let a volunteer youth leader go. It sucked. Within our youth ministry community, leaders are not just church members – we are like family! And letting a family member know that it's time to step down from youth ministry is hard. Especially when it is not a cut and dried issue such as moral failure. Some poor choices were made that called for a period of time away from youth ministry leadership.

Before the dreaded conversation, much prayer took place. But I also spent some time looking around the internet for some guidance. To no avail. The only information I could find was on "when it's time to let go of a volunteer ministry leader," but nothing on HOW to let them go. So I found myself in some conversations with God and with other ministry leaders I trust. And before I turned the key in the ignition to meet with the volunteer I was about to have a hard conversation with, I penned a plan.

I want to share that plan with you, so that if you ever find yourself in a position of needing to let go of a leader, you'll at least be able to find one resource. My prayer is that it will help you prayerfully and thoughtfully think through the process.

1. Make sure that the leader is valued as a person involved in the ministry. From the get-go, underline their strengths! Celebrate past victories. Let them know that you have seen and appreciated all the hard work and effort that they have put in as leaders in your ministry. It is important that they know and understand that you love and appreciate them for their friendship as well as standing next to you in ministry.
2. Make clear that their actions have necessitated a leadership conversation Outline specifically what they have done that is causing you to question their current leadership ability. If this is something that has built over time, make sure to bring up specific instances where they have been warned about the behavior. If the conversation is regarding one issue that warrants immediate dismissal, be sure to explain why it is big enough that you would ask them to step down. If you are basing your decision on something others have seen, be sure to have those witnesses provide written statements, signed. If your witnesses want to remain anonymous, DO NOT use them. Someone who is willing to give information and sign their name to it deserves to be taken seriously.
3. Revisit your vision for youth ministry Our vision is "to help students meet Jesus and be radically changed by Him." My job and the job of my leaders is to carry out and protect that vision at all costs. Someone once said that two visions is division. Whenever you are on the verge of letting someone go from leadership, it is because, based on their actions, they are currently unwilling or unable to carry out the vision that you have set forth. It is important to make clear how that their actions have spoken this.
4. Separate two VERY important issues a – What is best for the youth ministry at this moment? b – What is best for the person at this moment? Too often we try to care for a person at the expense of ministry. I believe this is what causes us to do more damage in dealing with issues than good. For instance, if I allow a leader to get away with poor behavior, it is damaging to the youth ministry. But if I simply fire a leader without a second thought, for the sake of the ministry, it is damaging to the person. We must always separate the two issues. My goal is to do what is best for the youth ministry, and what is best for the person, but the two very well may NOT intersect. And when you have to let a volunteer leader go, this is the case.
5. Set forth your vision for their restoration and re-involvement Many times, our thoughts are "I just want the person gone." And the truth is, that would be much easier! Fire them from youth ministry, and move on! But I don't believe that's a Biblical approach. The Bible is all about restoration, and we should be giving restoration a chance here, as much as we do with the teens we minister to on a regular basis. The truth is that it will probably cost you MORE personally in helping them through a time of restoration than if you were to just keep them on as a volunteer leader. But if Jesus is our example, then we are called to not only present the problem, but walk them through the solution, regardless of the cost.

As I spoke with the leader I needed to let go of, I asked them to allow me to walk with them through a 6 month time of restoration. To help work through some of the issues that led to our current discussion. My goal for them was that at the end of 6 months we would celebrate victories, plan for continued growth, and possibly reinstate them as a youth leader. I committed to no more than 1 year of growth and restoration for this person.

At the end of 1 year, if things hadn't changed, then that would be clear evidence to me that it was not appropriate for this person to re-enter youth ministry. Obviously, not every person will agree to this, and if that's the case then you're off the hook! But it should be the goal of every leader not just to present the problem and solve it, but to walk the person through the healing they will need based on their actions.

Issues like this are certainly a far cry from the fun and games of youth group, the joys of camp, or the incredible feeling of leading a student to Christ. And probably why there's not a ton of info on how to do it! But it's an important part of our role as leaders called to great leadership.

My prayer is that this will help resource you if you ever find yourself in that not so fun place. You know...When you have to let one go!