People hurt each other. We know that. We even know that "Hurt People Hurt People". That's a great book that shares the majority of people who habitually strike out at others, are deeply wounded themselves. Duh! But it's by a Ph. D and it goes way more in depth, so if you have a chance, read it.
Being hurt by someone is never easy or fun but when we are hurt by people who are so hurt they need bellhops for their emotional baggage, it's easier.The hardest hurts are by those that we are closest to. The ones that we have shared dreams with, created positive futures and gone to battle with or for. They can be family or people who we consider family from work, church, school, small groups, or anyone we are close to.
Hurting Youth Workers
A couple of years ago, I co-lead a "Help and Hope for Hurting Youth Workers" workshop at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Aaron Giesler was the other co-leader and he said something simple yet profound that I have remembered it and used it with others ever since then. He said, "Good people do bad things for good reasons."
I'm sure he didn't originate that idea but it has stuck with me, ever since. Think about your own life and experiences, probably it was rare that someone sought to destroy you, crush your heart or betray you.
I often hear stories of betrayal and hurt from youth worker friends of mine. It happens to everyone but that's the circle of friends, that I work with and know. There is some comfort when you know the pain someone caused you was not intentional, but it still stings.
We often hurt those that we are closest to the most. So it shouldn't surprise you, when you are on the receiving end.
But how do you deal with that painful sting?
Live at Peace
For Paul it was straightforward, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
Some people don't want to leave at peace with you or anyone else and you can't make them but you can try. Control what you can control and surrender everything else. If you don't surrender it, resentment and hurt can begin to control you. And you don't want to bitterness to become the master of your heart.
It's not fast, you have to be on guard and you have to monitor your heart, but you can forgive the people or person who hurt you. Having a person or two that you can 100% trust, vent with and listen to is part of dealing with the raw emotions but if you don't, it's going to take longer than what is healthy.
Pray for those that hurt you. It's not easy but it's how you begin forgiving them.
We often don't know another person's heart or intentions so we have to just go with what we know for sure. We should treat them the way we'd want to be treated even when they are not treating us the same way.
Ultimately, when someone hurts us, it's just another reminder that this world is not what it's supposed to be and neither are we or our friends.