The Pressure of "Supportive"
"You are so busy." "That is a lot." "I don't know how you do it." These are phrases I hear often, maybe you have too.
Yes, I am engaged. Yes, ministry is a priority. Supporting ministry is an honor and a calling that requires intentional communication, partnership, and assurance that I am following God's plan for our family and for me.
I knew from my teen years that I was to marry a minister, and also sensed God leading me into a career, something I didn't see often among the ministry couples I knew. There have been times when I felt judged, misunderstood, and even accused of not being supportive of ministry.
In these moments, some of them hurtful, I held on to the "why" behind my decisions and remained focused on God's direction for our family, knowing that criticism often comes from those who have not taken the time to understand our family commitments or my heart.
Balance Is Evolving
Over the years, I've realized that balance is never static, it changes with the seasons of life. Balancing ministry, family, and career requires accepting that every "yes" leads to a "no" in another area, and that "no" is not forever, maybe just for now.
Balance looks different for each family and at every stage of life.
For me, a "no" once meant not staying for the entire weekly youth Bible study, which ended near 9:00 pm. With elementary-aged children, I would arrive early to engage with students, then leave once the study began to ensure our children got enough rest for school the next morning.
The criticism from senior leadership was intense, and I was accused of being unsupportive of the ministry. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who stood firm on the importance of family coming before ministry. We don't regret this choice. We wanted our children to love God, love people, love ministry, and understand the need to care for themselves.
Intentional Communication in Marriage
Intentional communication in marriage is essential.
There are times when ministry, family, and career demands collide, and it has been critical to keep God, family, and ministry as our priority, followed by my career.
I've been blessed with flexibility in my work, allowing me to adapt my schedule early in the morning or late at night, working alongside family and ministry commitments.Parenting, grandparenting, marriage, ministry, and career all bring me joy, each in different ways.
Of course, challenges arise. I recall a time when my spouse left a church ministry role without immediate job plans and two children in college. During that season, I felt pressure as the family's provider, but I was also deeply grateful for God's provision.
By His grace, every need was met, and ultimately, God led us to serve with NNYM, where we are grateful to contribute in meaningful ways.
The Value of Trusted Relationships
Engaging with people who have permission to speak into your life is essential.
Identifying trustworthy individuals takes time, and these relationships may shift due to proximity, schedules, or life priorities. Sometimes these people provide encouragement; other times, their words challenge us to grow. Accepting challenges as encouragement leads to personal and spiritual growth.
I've grown more comfortable with the meaning of "yes" and "no" for ministry and family. I find hope in knowing that God understands my heart, desires, and schedule. He guides me in setting aside work to focus on family and ministry, and then returning to fulfill my career responsibilities.
God Knows Your Heart
Balancing multiple roles is a work in progress, requiring constant adjustments.
Not everyone will understand, and some will offer feedback that, though well-intended, may feel hurtful.
My responsibility is to lean directly into God's heart and desire for our family and ministry, knowing the ultimate goal is to please Him above others. By doing so, we live into His calling in all areas of life: marriage, family, ministry, and career.
Be encouraged: saying "yes" to God often means saying "yes" to your family and your calling. It's not a contradiction, it's faithfully stewarding all He has entrusted to you.
Dr. Jama Davis, licensed counselor, brings over 35 years of counseling and leadership experience and serves as a Professor of Counseling and Online Department Chair at Liberty University. An active encourager of ministry spouses, she serves alongside her husband, NNYM CEO Randy Davis, with a shared heart for healthy leaders and families.
