Every youth worker wants to disciple students to walk with Jesus. That's not much of a stretch to say.
It's why we sit in blazing hot bleachers at soccer games.
It's why we eat late-night pizza.
It's why we play video games we'd otherwise never touch.
We do these things because we care about students and want to see them know Christ personally.
No matter your denomination or ministry style, youth leaders share this goal:
We want to make disciples.
Because of that shared mission, it's important for us to understand the difference between ministry and discipleship.
What Is Discipleship?
A disciple is a learner, a follower who wants to become like their teacher.
Discipleship goes beyond information transfer. It's not merely teaching content or delivering a lesson. It's a relationship where the student seeks to imitate the life of the teacher.
Jesus described it this way:
The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher. - Luke 6:40
Discipleship means becoming like the master-not simply learning what the master knows.
This is why it's important to define discipleship carefully.
If everything is discipleship, then nothing is discipleship.
For the sake of clarity, we might define Christian discipleship like this:
The intentional pursuit of Christlikeness.
That definition helps us ask an honest question:
How often do we spend time with students under the banner of "relational discipleship," while rarely talking about Christ?
I've certainly been guilty of that.
Being present with students matters deeply. God uses it.
But not every hangout is discipleship.
So, what does relational discipleship look like?
Let's consider how discipleship can take shape in different ministry settings.
One-on-One Discipleship
Most youth leaders eventually discover an important truth:
You can't disciple someone who doesn't want to be discipled.
If discipleship is helping a student intentionally pursue Christlikeness, then some degree of spiritual hunger must be present.
That doesn't mean time with other students is wasted. Ministry to spiritually uninterested students is meaningful and important. But recognizing the difference can relieve a lot of unnecessary discouragement.
When meeting one-on-one for discipleship, clarity matters.
Be upfront about your purpose.
Are you simply hanging out?
Or are you intentionally pursuing spiritual growth together?
If it's discipleship, then decide together how you'll approach it:
- Reading a book of the Bible
- Working through a Christian book
- Talking through spiritual questions
- Studying Scripture together
Without shared expectations, it's unfair to assume the conversation will naturally "go deep."
Also be wise about where you meet. Choose public, visible spaces. At the same time, environments that are too loud or crowded can make meaningful conversation difficult.
Casual Small Groups
Some discipleship happens outside official church programming.
Sometimes students who would resist one-on-one meetings are more comfortable in a small group of two to four friends.
A few students gathering regularly with a leader can be powerful, even if it's informal.
In these settings, clear expectations still help.
Keep it simple.
Read a book of the Bible together and talk about it.
This not only encourages spiritual growth but also teaches students how to read Scripture for themselves.
Another option is reading a Christian book together. Some youth leaders have even read theology books with students and been surprised at how engaged they are.
Don't underestimate teenagers.
Structured Small Groups
When it comes to official ministry gatherings, a simple framework can help small groups thrive.
Three essential elements make a healthy discipleship environment:
Prayer
Teaching
Discussion
Students grow when they learn to pray for one another, wrestle with Scripture, and talk honestly about their lives.
However, small groups often drift depending on the personality of the leader.
Some leaders emphasize sharing and prayer so much that Scripture gets squeezed out. Others focus heavily on teaching, leaving little room for conversation. Still others enjoy open discussion but allow conversations to wander far from the Bible.
Healthy training helps leaders hold all three together.
Prayer, teaching, and discussion.
When these remain central, discipleship flourishes.
Discipleship in Larger Gatherings
Relational discipleship isn't limited to one-on-one meetings or small groups.
Large gatherings matter too.
Whether your ministry gathers 20 students or 2,000, God's Word still forms disciples.
Sometimes youth ministries unintentionally treat teaching time as a platform for opinions instead of Scripture.
But we believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God
Teach it clearly.
Teach it faithfully.
Teach it expecting God to speak.
When you stand up to teach, remember:
You are teaching for discipleship, not just information.
The Gospel for Weary Disciple-Makers
Discipleship is the central task of pastoral ministry.
Not because we want bigger attendance numbers.
Not because we want cultural influence.
Not because we want job security.
We make disciples because Jesus is worthy.
He is worthy of our love.
Worthy of our obedience.
Worthy even when ministry is difficult.
Students walk away from faith.
Criticism happens.
Life gets heavy.
Yet Christ remains faithful.
If you're exhausted, remember that Jesus promised to build His church.
If you feel overwhelmed, remember that spiritual fruit is ultimately God's work.
If you're discouraged, remember that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
God is faithful.
He holds your students, and you, in His hands.
Mike McGarry is the founder of Youth Pastor Theologian and a longtime youth pastor with nearly two decades of ministry experience. He writes and speaks to help youth leaders connect theology with everyday ministry.
Rooted Ministry equips and empowers churches and parents to faithfully disciple students toward life-long faith in Jesus Christ.
From Reflection to Action
Practical Steps for Youth Leaders
1. Clarify your definition of discipleship
Make sure your team shares the same understanding.
2. Create intentional pathways
Not every relationship must become discipleship, but some should.
3. Train leaders in the three priorities
Prayer. Teaching. Discussion.
4. Identify spiritually hungry students
Invest intentionally in those who want to grow.
5. Trust God with the results
Faithfulness matters more than visible outcomes.
