It's no surpise that the ripple of COVID lock-downs are making waves in youth ministry, specifically for the social development of students. We need to strategically talk to students about FRIENDSHIP. Our world is the more populated than it has ever been... yet the most lonely.
Has Attraction Replaced Friendship As A Priority For Student Relationships?
My theory is that an unintended bi-product of the over-sexualization of our students has replaced FRIENDSHIP with ATTRACTION. Google "friendship" and you will find LOTS of information about attraction, but little about friends. Friendships is a Christian principle where relationships are built on character and TRUST. We allow people to gain greater access to ourselves because we TRUST them.
Four Levels of Friendship for Healthy Relationships Among Teennagers
Knowing the four levels of friendship can protect students from abuse and harm. Abuse occurs when an agressor ASSUMES a greater access than than their level of trust. Clearly helping parents and guardians talk about and identify expectations for each level with the teens in their lives can protect them from people that would politically, socially, or physically use them for their own advantage.
Conversation Starters To Use With Your Youth
A few weeks ago we talked through the four levels at youth group and the conversation was amazing! Here are a few conversation starters:
- What is the difference in friendships with acquaintances and casual friendships? What kinds of characteristics make you interested in finding out more about a new friend?
- There's a big jump between casual friends and close friends! Close friends have earned the privilege to know MORE about you. What are some examples of close friends in your life? What kinds of friends do you WISH you had? (Pray together about finding THESE kinds of friends.)
- Who thinks they are a close friend, but you have not given them access? **NOTE** many family members may show up in this category. These are GREAT conversation points; don't push against these honest conversations!!! Ask follow-up questions like: what do they need to do to earn your trust?
- Who do you trust for relationship advice? THIS IS AN IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK because Google is answering way too many of our student's questions!!
- Important to clarify - INTIMATE is more than just sexuality. Your student may immediately assume this implies sexual intimacy. YOU NEED TO EXPRESS THAT EARNED FRIENDSHIP IS NECESSARY BEFORE PHYSICAL INTIMACY!! Our world has bypassed friendship altogether to gain physical intimacy. In the process, it has created shame, isolation, regret... We can help stop this process!
Our Role as Youth Leaders
Adults NEED to have a conversation about what it is like to have a small group of friends who KNOW you EXTREMELY well, have been trusted to speak into every area of your life, and how those people have earned that privilege.
There are no "rights" in friendship. Friendship is a voluntary relationship in which those involved tend to be concerned with meeting the other's needs. When those involved in a relationship begin demanding things, this is bullying and abusive. Clearly defining friendship levels can protect our students from getting trapped in damaging relationships and help them find greater friendships at an earlier age!
Start the conversation about friendship today!