"How are you discipling students in your ministry?"
That's a good question, and, to be honest, one I often struggled to answer as a youth pastor.
I might have pointed to meeting students at Starbucks. Or the time I invested preparing to teach. Or the effort we put into supporting parents as they disciple their kids at home.
Those are all good things. Important things.
But I often had a nagging suspicion that my discipleship efforts were falling short.
Over the past several years, many youth pastors, including me, have tried to avoid reducing discipleship to education or information transfer. Instead of a rigid curriculum, we began emphasizing relationships and presence. Eventually, many of us started calling almost everything in ministry discipleship.
And that's where I worry we may have lost something important.
In trying to broaden discipleship, we may have unintentionally lost intentional discipleship.
Am I projecting my own struggles? Maybe. But I've observed this pattern widely, and the defensiveness that sometimes follows the conversation only reinforces the concern.
What Is Discipleship?
Rather than invent our own definitions, it's better to look at how Scripture describes discipleship.
A disciple is not above his teacher, or a slave above his master. It is enough for a disciple to become like his teacher. Matthew 10:24-25
Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:27
My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be my disciples. John 15:8
The biblical concept of a disciple carries the idea of a learner or student.
We see this reflected in the letters of the New Testament:
Do what you have learned and received and heard from me, and seen in me. Philippians 4:9
Continue in what you have learned and firmly believed. 2 Timothy 3:14
A disciple doesn't just want information from their teacher.
They want to become like them.
This kind of formation involves the whole person: head, heart, and hands.
If you want a deeper biblical exploration of discipleship, I highly recommend the book Following the Master by Michael J. Wilkins. It's older and the cover won't win any design awards, but it's one of the most helpful studies on discipleship in Scripture.
All of this leads me to a simple conclusion:
You cannot disciple someone who doesn't want to be discipled.
You can love them. Serve them. Walk alongside them.
But discipleship requires intention on the part of the disciple.
Ministry and Discipleship Are Not the Same
This distinction has been on my mind a lot.
If I had to summarize Christian discipleship in one sentence, it would be this:
Discipleship is the intentional pursuit of Christlikeness.
Students who desire to grow in Jesus are stepping onto that pathway.
But many students we serve are spiritually curious, distracted, apathetic, or even resistant.
That doesn't mean they don't matter.
It just means something different is happening.
Youth workers are called to minister to these students:
We show up at their games.
We remember their Starbucks order.
We learn their friends' names.
We listen to their stories.
All of that matters deeply.
But until a student desires to follow Jesus, we are not yet discipling them: we are ministering to them.
And that's okay. Because ministry is much broader than discipleship.
Ministry includes:
- Administration
- Communication
- Counseling
- Teaching
- Evangelism
- Relationship building
- Discipleship
Everything we do in ministry can support discipleship.
But not everything is discipleship.
Healthy youth ministries recognize both.
Why This Distinction Matters
When we try to disciple students who have no interest in becoming like Jesus, two things often happen.
- First, we become frustrated by their spiritual apathy.
- Second, we unintentionally neglect students who are actually hungry to grow.
That's not wise, and ultimately it isn't loving.
Instead of placing expectations on students they never agreed to, we can love them patiently and faithfully. We can walk with them, pray for them, and trust God to awaken spiritual curiosity.
At the same time, a clear understanding of discipleship helps us recognize the students who are ready.
Often those students are overlooked because they aren't the loudest or the most needy.
But they are ready to grow.
And they need leaders willing to walk closely with them.
So yes, minister to students.
But intentionally disciple them, too.
Knowing the difference helps you do both well.
From Reflection to Action
Practical Next Steps for Youth Leaders
1. Define discipleship clearly in your ministry
Write a one-sentence definition your team can repeat and practice.
2. Identify students who are spiritually hungry
Who is asking questions, showing initiative, or desiring to grow?
3. Create intentional environments for growth
Small groups, mentoring, or leadership groups designed specifically for discipleship.
4. Release the pressure to force discipleship
Love and serve students who aren't ready without frustration.
5. Train your leaders on the difference
Clarifying this distinction can transform how your whole ministry operates.
Mike McGarry is the founder of Youth Pastor Theologian and a longtime youth pastor with nearly two decades of ministry experience. He writes and speaks to help youth leaders connect theology with everyday ministry.
This article was adapted from an article originally published on Youth Pastor Theologian.
