Sixteen years.
That's how long I've been in youth ministry-which means, technically, my youth ministry career could drive a car by now. (Although, let's be honest, we'd probably have to retake the driving test at least once.)
If I could go back and start fresh-armed with all the wins, lessons, and mistakes I've collected along the way-what would I do differently? Or maybe the better question is: if I were stepping into a brand-new youth ministry role today, what would I intentionally prioritize from the start?
Here are the four things I'd change.
1. I'd Have More Fun
I've heard the saying: "What you win them with is what you win them to." It's usually said like a warning-like having fun is somehow a threat to spiritual depth.
When I first started, I took myself very seriously. I wanted people to know I was mature and responsible, not just a goofy youth pastor stereotype. And sure, there's wisdom in that. But in hindsight, I missed out on a lot of joy by trying so hard to be taken seriously.
If I were starting again, I'd let myself laugh more. I'd be quicker to say yes to spontaneous Nerf battles and Mario Kart tournaments. I'd make space for fun without feeling the need to attach a Bible verse to it. I'd be the kind of leader who isn't afraid to model joy-because I've learned that joy is spiritual. Fun opens doors. It builds trust. It reminds us that following Jesus isn't just meaningful-it's life-giving.
2. I'd Focus More on Parents
Back then, I was laser-focused on students. That's not a bad thing-it's youth ministry, after all-but I was so zoned in that I missed opportunities to build relationships with the people who had the most influence in their lives: their parents.
I used to think I needed to be a parent myself to speak into the lives of parents. Now I know that's not true. If I were starting today, I'd grab more coffees with moms and dads. I'd ask about their families, listen to their stories, and invite them into the discipleship journey with us.
And I'd communicate-a lot. Which brings me to the next one...
3. I'd Over-Communicate Everything
We live in a golden age of communication tools. Email, text, social, Canva, Mailchimp-it's all right there. And it's all free. What a time to be alive.
If I were starting over, I'd lean hard into regular, clear communication. I'd send out a weekly email to parents with a quick recap of what we studied, highlights from recent events, and what's coming up. I'd post frequently on social media-reminders, event promos, and thoughtful questions that help students engage with our teaching throughout the week.
In short, I'd never assume people just knew what was going on. I'd take responsibility for keeping them in the loop-and maybe even help them feel like insiders while I was at it.
4. I'd Craft an Easy-to-Share Vision
If someone stopped me in the church lobby and asked, "What's your youth ministry all about?"-I'd want a clear, compelling answer ready to go.
At one church, I started using a simple framework: Belong, Believe, Become.
We wanted students to:
- Belong in a safe, welcoming community,
- Believe the Gospel and encounter Jesus personally, and
- Become who God created them to be by living it out.
For parents, I added a little more context. I'd explain that we were building around four key pillars: the Attributes of God, the Gospel, Spiritual Disciplines, and Relationships. Sure, we could cover other things-but those four were the foundation.
If I were starting today, I'd work hard to articulate that kind of vision early. I'd use it to guide what we planned, how we communicated, and why it mattered. And I'd make sure parents felt confident that we weren't just winging it-we had a plan and a purpose.
So there it is-four things I'd do differently if I were starting youth ministry today.
How about you?
If you've been in ministry for a while, what would you change if you were starting again?
If you're new to it all, what's something you're trying to do differently right out of the gate?
Let's learn from each other. Drop a comment or shoot me a message-I'd love to hear from you.
Ronald Long has been a youth pastor for nearly two decades. Nothing makes him happier than to watch youth leaders thrive in ministry! As a coach with Standing Stone, he provides free care for leaders in youth ministry.
This article was first published on the DYM blog