It's that time of year when every person - but especially youth pastors - are forced to think about... Valentine's Day. As a self-professed non-romantic I have always cringed at the implied pressure of the romantic holiday. My rebellious nature has always resisted overpriced chocolates and roses. This year as I serve students and single youth leaders, I recognize that not everyone joins me in fighting against this day; many are saddened. Let's be people who reach out to single youth workers well this Valentine's Day.
Begin with care.
Loneliness is not an off-limits conversation. Almost daily we see news on the realities of loneliness. We can and should talk about it. NNYM says "you are not alone" all of the time, but MAKE SURE you reach out to a single youth worker to let them know you appreciate their kingdom efforts this year!
Create environments for great friendships.
Are we helping single leaders see the depth of care and community that the (big "C") Church has to offer, or are we only inviting them to our events? In networks I have seen that when people DON'T have friendships, they only show up for event planning. A network leader's job is to let youth workers KNOW that we are a tribe that we are in this together.
Have we allowed space for care for the single youth workers, or do we simply pick on them and try to set them up with a blind date? Only after we begin to care for our friends, can we find out what they really need.
Create a space for accountability.
Josiah was single when he came on staff with NNYM. He says that networking allowed him to find a core of youth leaders that could keep him accountable and moving forward in ministry. Does your network create an environment of accountability? It can if you care for people when they are in greatest need. Some of our single youth workers' most lonely moments circle around peers' weddings and Valentine's Day. Shoot single youth workers a text, give them a call, or send them something to let them know that you are thinking about them.
Ask deeper questions.
Would single youth workers feel comfortable asking advice about how to date and do ministry, or have we allowed our networks to be places of unsolicited advice to our younger youth workers? Do you know what it's like to be single as a youth pastor... no? Try asking!
Asking your single peers how they are doing with Valentine's Day may feel like you are overstepping, but the true overstep happens with the plethora of relational advice that February 14th brings for our single friends. Good leaders ask deeper questions. Don't be afraid to ask.
Be a mentor not an advice giver.
Carrie Brooks says, "One of my mentors talked to me a lot about 'turning my lonely moments into alone moments with God.'" In our role as network leaders, we sit outside of each others' churches and have the ability to become a mentor. Once you have gained the trust of a fellow youth worker, you are available for questions and longer conversations. Advice givers say their wisdom once, but a mentor gets to repeat their truth-telling over and over because they have deeper relationships.
The reality is many of the single youth workers I have worked with struggle with Valentine's Day. Reach out to a single youth worker this weekend. You may be the light of Jesus in a very dark time for them. They don't need your pity, but they do need to know that you care!